Tobi's Akatsuki Life
by Sakura4eva
Summary: Akatsuki's normal everyday life through Tobi's point of view. Can Tobi make it onto Deidara's newly remade artistic partnership with Sasori? Humor and crack-ish.
1. Artistic Talents

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot, and a few of the names of the Seven Swordsmen.**

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**Tobi's Akatsuki Life**

Artistic Talents

"Everyone has always wanted to know what it was like in the Akatsuki's base. What is it like in a huge cave-like house full of mass murderers, S-classed criminals, and lunatics? Well, if you really knew, no one would ever take them seriously again. 'Why', you ask? Well I'll show you!"

With that, Tobi skipped off, camcorder in hand, readying his 'narrator voice' to show around the base.

"Our first stop is the kitchen. Everyone's first guess at this kitchen would be a rotting stench hole. Think again!"

Tobi turned the camcorder away from his face to show... A door...

"Oh. One second!" He opened the door and this time he got the... Inside of a bathroom.

Hmmm. I guess this would count as a stench hole after all, but it was a very _clean_ stench hole.

"Oh! Tobi's bad!" Tobi yelped as he scampered out of the bathroom. It took him a moment to realize what he said. "No! You see, Senpai, Tobi's not bad! Tobi's mistake." He corrected, hurriedly. Then added, "Tobi's a good boy" as a reminder.

That, however, would not save the poor boy from Deidara's wrath, as the blond jumped, only clad in a towel, at the cowering narrator/camera man.

**5 minutes later**

"Well," Tobi mumbled, patting his sore bruises he had recently discovered. "Tobi guesses Sempai wouldn't show Tobi the way to the kitchen anyway."

Back to narrator voice, he continued along in the hall. "This here," he opened the door to check it. "Is Itachi's room! ...Wait a minute. I'm not allowed here..." He looked around nervously. "Ummm, kitchen next. And you did NOT see his underwear on the ground, right?" he questioned the camera. With no response, he ran out of the room and to the next door.

"This is," Tobi opened the door fully, after doing a quick glance in. "The kitchen!" He smiled, full of pride. Then noticed something.

"Sempai! What happened to our kitchen?" he asked, stunned. "You're normally such a good cook..."

"Urasai, Tobi, yeah." Deidara glared at the astonished boy, then mumbled "Who knew you couldn't cook on a clay frying pan..."

Tobi gasped. "Did it... Blow up?" he asked slowly.

Deidara rolled his eyes and replied sarcastically, "No, yeah. Pfft."

Tobi scratched his head. "Was that a no or a yes, Sempai?"

"It was a yes." came a monotone reply from behind Tobi, scaring the poor boy almost to tears.

"Who's tha-" Tobi's question was cut off when Deidara suddenly shot up from his previously hopeless despair on the floor.

"DANNA!" He yelped happily at the wooden redhead. "I thought you died!"

Sasori gave a low chuckle. He wasn't in his puppet like he usually was. "Pfft. Why would I say my art was everlasting if I just went ahead and died?" he asked.

Deidara sighed. He had expected an answer like that after all. "Welcome back, Danna."

Sasori nodded to his teammate then gestured towards Tobi, who was filming the whole interaction. "Who's the shrimp?"

"Shrimp?" Tobi asked, wondering if he meant him.

"A messed up replacement for you." Deidara replied. "He's been my partner, but YES! You're back and he can go!" he grinned at his little discovery.

Tobi turned to Sasori again. "Can Tobi have an interview?"

Sasori scoffed. "He took my place? You guys must be getting desperate..."

"You have no idea." Deidara agreed.

Tobi decided to leave the two to re-unite alone, and went off in search of a new victi- I mean subject. He liked the idea of getting interviews from the members. Kisame(1)-sempai first!

**With Kisame**

"Once again, polishing this stupid sword. You'd think I could get _some_ help, but noooo. That stupid weasel. Reporting all extra killings to the leader. Pshaw! Who does he thing he is? That weaselly tattle taler!" Kisame was sitting on his bed, cleaning up from his latest mission. Apparently killing everyone in sight wasn't exactly an order, so Itachi was 'tattle taling', in Kisame's words.

"Kisame-sempai! Can Tobi have an interview with you?" came a shrill call from just outside his bedroom door.

"Tch. An inter- ...An interview?" Kisame suddenly got stars in his eyes. "Why, of course, Tobi! Come on in!" he exclaimed.

"Hai, Kisame-sempai!" Tobi chirped, skipping inside the room.

Once they got settled in, Kisame sitting, as he called, 'pretty' on the bed, and Tobi sitting across from him on a rather dusty chair that was previously in the corner of the room. Tobi crossed one leg over the other and was now ready to begin.

"Is it true that you were one of the seven famous swordsmen of the Mist. Who are the others?" Tobi asked

"I still am, kid. Zabuza is another, but he's dead.(Now starting to make stuff up) So is Kamoku(2), figures. He was such a wimp! I still see some every once in awhile. Mizushi(3) is one of my closest rivals. Same with Reiketsu(4), Takeokiri(5), and Akumamizu(6). Personally, I don't think Takeokiri should've really been a part of us, since he's the only one who hasn't turned his back on the mist." Kisame seemed to have a proud air about him at the moment.

"A-ano. Right. Next q-question?" Tobi asked, fearfully. He hadn't exactly enjoyed their names. Kisame nodded and Tobi quickly continued. "Why did you name your sword Samehada?"

Kisame grinned a rather toothy smile. "It fit." he stated simply.

Tobi realized he probably wasn't going to get anything else about it, so he decided on one last question. "Why did all of the swordsmen, including you, leave the Mist Village?"

Kisame's face went almost grim. "That damn village tried to tie us down. None of us got along. How do you think Kamoku died? He tried to make peace! Ha!" he let out a low, gravely chuckle. "That all you wanted to ask, kid?"

Tobi nodded. "Arrigatou, Kisame-sempai! Tobi is very grateful!" Tobi then sprung up from the chair and again skipped out of the room.

Kisame almost laughed when another voice came through his, once again, shut door.

"Kisame. Leader wants to talk to you." Itachi told him in complete monotone.

He sighed. How could he forget that? With that interview, it had taken his mind off of Pein, the mission, and the weasel tattle taling. "Great." he mumbled. "Coming, Itachi-san." he really only added the formality so he didn't suddenly remember how Itachi got into the Akatsuki, aside from his many talents. The Mangekyo Sharingan.

**With Tobi, once again**

Tobi was scampering all about the base, still talking to his camera. "This is only one of our three main bases, but we do have many more scattered all throughout the countries! Akatsuki also own our very own village, Rain. The Akatsuki leader, Pein, and Konan, his partner, live there. Kisame and Itachi are visiting us, but they actually live closer to the Leaf village. We are right now in the base closest to Sound. Apparently Leader is planning an attack on Sound again." Tobi sighed.

"We attack them all the time with our Rain village recruits, but we never go ourselves. Tobi thinks we should. We never get to fight! Deidara-sempai says Tobi probably shouldn't have gotten into Akatsuki because he doesn't think Tobi has any talent." He glared at the ground. "Then suddenly this 'Sasori' comes, and he ignores me completely. I don't get it..." Tobi was saddened at this. So sad, that he didn't even talk in his usual third person way.

He then brightened up. "When Deidara-sempai sees this video Tobi made, he'll forget all about Sasori-sempai. Or maybe Sasori will end up liking Tobi better! I'll even show them my newest techniques!"

With that, Tobi ran off, headed straight to the closest training grounds. This, after all, would take a lot of practice.

**With Sasori and Deidara**

"So Danna," Deidara started. "Have you seen Pein yet?"

"Of course. I wouldn't be here if I hadn't. You know that." he stated rather plainly.

The clay artist nodded then he noticed something. "Hey, wheres your puppet? I thought you wanted it to last forever!" he mocked.

Sasori glared. "Pink haired brat broke it. She does have some strength though..."

Deidara laughed at that until he was practically lying on the ground. Sasori looked at him questioningly. "You - Ha ha - got beaten - Mmf - by that teenage girl?"

"It wasn't just her! My grandmother, too! She was the one that taught me puppet Jutsus in the first place." Sasori protested. No way was he going to let his rep go down because of a pink haired _girl_!

Deidara suppressed another chuckle, just barely, and continued walking to their original destination; the training grounds. "A Obaa-san and a teenage girl." he murmured. "Wonder if that girl could make it into the Akatsuki?"

Sasori's eyes went wide. "That. Gaki(7). Will. Never. Enter. This. Base. Ever." Then he added, eyes back to normal, "Unless it's for torture, of course."

Deidara nodded quickly. He didn't want to get Sasori mad before they sparred. "Forget I asked."

Just as they got to the ground, they noticed a certain masked shinobi hopping around out there already. This time it was Deidara's turn for his eyes to widen. He recognized that member immediately. "Tobi?! What the h are you doing out here? This is strictly for sparring!"

Tobi spun around to meet the two people he was training for to impress, yelling at him. "S-sorry Sempai... Where else can Tobi go to train, then? Can Tobi spar with you guys?" he asked, hopefully.

Deidara shook his head at the newbie. "How about you go to the grounds on the other side of this base. You cannot spar with us."

Tobi looked down, a forlorn expression plastered on his face, although you couldn't really see it through the mask. Somehow, Deidara could still tell it was there and added, "You can only join us if you learn an artistic way of fighting. _We_ are artists. Find a way that we both agree with, and I'll respect you and you can join our team for real."

Tobi looked up, amazed and full of hope and excitement. "Really, Deidara-sempai? Sasori-sempai too?"

Sasori hesitated then nodded. "But, you only have until the end of this day. It's already 2:23 pm, by the way... And the camera does NOT count!"

Tobi nodded, ecstatic. "Of course. Tobi'll show you guys! You like things that go bang and explode. Things that don't last. And Sasori-sempai likes things that are everlasting. Right?"

They both agreed and with that, Tobi raced off, searching for this new art.

The two already artistic partners shared a glance before continuing on to the grounds. "If he really does find something like that, I will be truly impressed. After all," Deidara grinned. "I don't even think it exists!"

Sasori gave a smirk in agreement and they let the fight start with a 'boom'!

**To Tobi**

Tobi ran throughout libraries and bases for hours. It was around 6:00 by the time he was about ready to give up, when he got an idea. "Something they both agree with as art, hmmm?" Tobi grinned underneath his mask and gathered up all the right materials, he set off towards a certain village, humming happily the entire way.

**Back with the artistic pair**

It was about 5:30 when the two stopped sparring, results as a two ties and a win each. They headed inside to get something to eat and relax. They had a mission that night and they were to report to Pein just before it if Tobi was to stay in there team or not.

By ten to 8:00, they had pretty much figured Tobi was gone from this base for good and had left to Zetsu, his original friend from Akatsuki.

As the two were preparing, and just about done, at 8:30, for their mission, the door to the hideout flew open and in came Tobi. He was holding a rather large, lumpy blanket. Itachi and Kisame came out to see him putting the 'blanket' down.

"Tobi? What are you doing here again? I thought you left for the Grass base or the Rain base with... Zetsu..." Kisame trailed off as he heard something from the blanket. "Tobi? What's in there? How come it... Moaned?"

Tobi grinned at Kisame as Sasori and Deidara came out into the hallway. He spun around to the two. "Tobi got something! Tobi's so good! Tobi can join the art team!"

The two sets of partners studied Tobi carefully and slowly. Itachi decided he wasn't needed, and left the hall and went back to his room. They all swore that they heard the stoic raven haired nin chuckle as he left right after glancing his sharingan eyes at the dark bundle on the ground, however they quickly brushed it off and faced the hyper 'artist'.

"What's the artist talent then, Tobi?" Deidara asked.

"Pointing out pretty girls, knocking them out, and bringing them anywhere I want!" he exclaimed happily.

Kisame almost choked. "Tobi, I-is that what's in the bundle?"

"Yep! Tobi brought an extremely pretty girl. Tobi found so many but Tobi picked out only the best with his artistic senses." he explained.

Sasori shot an uneasy glance at the blanket on the floor. He nudged Deidara with his right elbow.

Deidara slowly walked towards the blanket, shooting his redheaded partner daggers the whole time. "OK, Tobi. I-I guess we'll just have to see her."

Tobi nodded. "Of course! It's only fair." He went over to the wrapped up girl and slowly removed the blanket. "She's an AMBU and she's... Starting to wake up. Hurry, then."

All three nodded and moved closer to the bundle. Kisame glanced at Tobi."OK. Open it then."

With that comment, Tobi threw the blanket away, revealing...

A pink haired, masked, kunoichi! A rather recognizable one to Sasori and Deidara, too... But wow! Did she ever grow. In all the right places, too. Kisame's eyes widened and lifted the mask rather slowly. Just at that moment, her eyes were flickering open.

"Nng." She moaned. Once her eyes adjusted to the lights(which they did quickly, thanks to how dim they were), her eyes went wide.

Deidara slowly looked up at Tobi and grinned at him. "Tobi," he started. "That is most definitely art."

Sasori was trying to figure it all out when each pair of eyes were directed at him. He glanced up at his fellow Akatsuki members then back down to the girl. He sighed. "I guess, in a matter of speaking..." he groaned and flew his hands up in defeat. "Fine! That is art. You win, Tobi. You're in our group... But what will we do with her?"

Tobi was so ecstatic about joining their team, that he had forgotten all about the girl. "Well, we have a mission, right?" The other two nodded but Kisame shook his head.

"Itachi and I don't, though..."

The other three were out the door before Kisame could protest. He turned to the girl "Well," Itachi came back out. "What's your name?"

"Ummm. Haruno Sakura..."

"Welcome to Akatsuki, Sakura."

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**AN: That took REALLY long, but I think it was worth it. I noticed something, though. Every story I make as something to do with Sakura. Argh. And after I had finally decided this would be one that didn't. But hey! It worked out! ROFL Read and review, please. I might do another Akatsuki based one later or even a sequel! Only if I get enough reviews, though. Enjoy peoples!**

**Translations:**

**1 - Kisame:** Bastard (I find that really funny! ROFL Same also means fish. Figures!)

**2 - Kamoku:** Silent

**3 - Mizushi:** Water Death (Mizu: Water & Shi: death)

**4 - Reiketsu:** Coldblooded-ness / Cold hearted-ness

**5 - Takeokiri:** Mist Warrior (Takeo: Warrior & Kiri: Mist)

**6 - Akumamizu:** Water Demon/Devil (Akuma: Demon/Devil)

**7 - Gaki:** Brat


	2. Sequel?

Hi!

Cady here, I need to know if you want a sequel. I asked and have a poll on my home page, but I only have one answer so far. I am writing a sequel, but I need to know if you actually want it, because if not, I really don't see the point! Thanks for the one answer and review that I did get from _Kagetsubasa_, I've got it started. Please put your anwer on either the poll or your review. If I don't get any, then I won't.

That sequel is called Sakura's Akatsuki life.

**Info:**

Summary: Sakura is kidnapped by Tobi and brought to the Akatsuki as 'art'; the one peice of 'art' that both Sasori and Deidara agree on as true art. What does Sakura think about this and why is everyone looking at her like that...? Humor  
  
Pairings: AkaSaku, hints of SasuSaku and NaruHina

Thanks again!

- Cady


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